commanderinqueef: nettwerker: commanderinqueef: am I hot? am I single? will I ever be hot? will I ever be in a relationship? look the basic rule of relationships is that if you spend all your time disparaging and devaluing yourself and then longing for the abstraction of a relationship you probably won’t find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, and if you do, it...
Interviewer: What is your best quality?
Me: I always eat until I'm uncomfortably full
shavingryansprivates: what when was this ever a title
galifianafuck: seagirlowns: galifianafuck: ryenofthefence: galifianafuck: there’s a special place in hell for people who find the big bang theory extremely funny You mean intelligent people? no I think you do mean intelligent people. no i didnt
A man: I want happiness.
Buddha: First remove "I", that's ego, then remove "want", that's desire. See? Now you are left with happiness.
A man: Fuck off Buddha that's not what I meant
shout out to the 12 year olds making captions like “omg want” on photos of rough sex
nintendoggystyle: remember when someone hacked the sesame street youtube channel and posted porn omfg
missionkimpossible: we all started out as a spongebobs and patricks but we all eventually evolved into squidwards
ocicats: i laugh at people who are like “we don’t need another spider-man trilogy” no you know what movie we really don’t need a katy perry documentary
doctor: so how long would you say your on the computer for?
me: about 7 hours
doctor: a week?
me: ya lets go with that
icanfinallysee: I literally can’t think of one solid good reason as to why I should have a child Seriously The last thing I want is a reproduction of me A thing that I have to physically wipe it’s ass No
Anonymous asked: ur dog is quite the hottie. In tht one pic, she looks like she belongs on the hollywood carpet
teapayne: joke is on you mom you can’t ground me from the friends I don’t have and social events I was never invited to participate in